im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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