We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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