Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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