i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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