I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
