Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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