I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
