I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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