I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
