Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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