i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"