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• (305): View more from Florida

  Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

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• (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?

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• (516): View more from New York

  drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me

  (516): View more from New York

  he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.

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• (213): View more from California

  I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Props for using the word nadir

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• (818): View more from California

  I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.

  (818): View more from California

  I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?

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