Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.