I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.