Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
