Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
