Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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