Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
worst night to have a conscience
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
