If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
