She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
