So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i think my cat just said my name.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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