Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
