The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
