You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
