Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My life is pants optional.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
