Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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