about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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