Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
