we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
