I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
