UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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