Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
