I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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