My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
