saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
try to milk me bitch
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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