ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
