I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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