I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
