I need to stop coming to work sober
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
