So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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