He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
