Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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