I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
