I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
