I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
