I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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