Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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