Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
