Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
