Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
