I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
