So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
