My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
