Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
