i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
