I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize