I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how drunk are you?
Several
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
