so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
