I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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