why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
