tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
