You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
