The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
