the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
