Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
