hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
