I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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