You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
