i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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