Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
