i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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