Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
