A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
