Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
