Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
