Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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