She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
