I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
