The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
