so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
