You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
