It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
