I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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