i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am naked and annoyed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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