we have pet lesbian snakes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
