Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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